Unit6 Integral Assessment

This week I struggled with the meditation exercises.  Not because of the exercise, but because I had a difficult time letting go of all the happenings in my life this week.  Although this was frustrating, it was also a learning experience.  I have learned that although I have had great experiences with meditation, I have most definitely not conquered all of my road blocks.  For the few moments that I was able to let things go and was able to focus, I found that it did not take long for my emotions to flow during the universal loving-kindness exercise.  The imagery that appeared when repeating the line regarding freedom from suffering for all individuals was very moving for me and surprising how filled with the emotions I became.

The other exercise, which focused on the integral assessment was not so difficult.  It was very easy for me to come to the conclusion that psychospiritual is the aspect of my life that I need to focus on.  This becomes very apparent to me at my job.  I find that I am still at the conative line when handling my work.  It seems every time I think I have made progress, I have not.  This class has made me take a hard look at what this job is doing to me and it will be a difficult journey for me to get to the emotional line with respect to work.  I feel I have made and continue to make progress in my personal life regarding this, but because of work, I am really not sure that this progress counts.  Until I can get all areas of my life in sync regarding my psychospiritual health, I believe I am lacking in the whole aspect.

After reading the material this week I believe I need to start working on life as  practice.  I feel my biggest obstacle at work is that I do not respond with intention to situations, I react instinctively.  The only way I am going to overcome this is to stop, clear my mind at that moment and then respond.  I have actually regressed in this because of the retirement of my previous boss.  Having a mentor was brought up in our discussion this week, and I can attest that having a mentor makes a huge difference in ones life.  My previous boss took many hours to talk to me and teach me how to be more compassionate and understanding to situations and people.  He taught me to slow down and try to appreciate the differences in people.  My current boss is just the opposite, and due to my personality, I find that I am using his type A, bolder personality to justify to myself that it is ok to go back to my previous ways of dealing with work situations.  This is not the person I want to be and realize that it is up to me to make these changes.  It is a struggle, but I feel that realizing I am reacting instinctively and want to change this is the first step to making the changes.

Julie Couillard